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The Drunken Russian: “You need a drink.”

Anything to place me in a good mood again. Everyone knows that when I am pissed off, I do not do well with women. I take my drink and shut up. A girl with a guy looks at The Drunken Russian and gets in his face. He notices the guy next to her and ignores her. She looks at me. What the fuck are you looking at? I need another drink.

Hanging out. I see a girl keep looking at me. The Drunken Russian asks me if I’m ever going to talk to any girls tonight…

Me: “Eh, I have a back-up already lined up.”

Back-up? Yes. I see a woman that I use to talk to at work and I’m sure that she recognizes me because she keeps looking at me.

Two other girls keep looking over. Somehow, we end up talking to each other…

Girl: “Don’t you like her ass? Guys love her ass.”

She does a spin for me…

Me: “Eh, it’s OK.”

She looks at me like I’m crazy…

Me: “How old are you two anyway? She has to be around 29, and you look like you’re about 25.”

Shocked. I know how old they are, except I switched it around. What this did, was shock the younger nicer girl with the ass, and it gained the admiration of the one with the attitude. In fact, she likes me so much that she offers to buy me a shot. The Drunken Russian starts waving his hand towards himself…

Me: “And get him one too.”

And they do it. They don’t call me The Original Parker Brother for nothing.

The alcohol and shots begin to take effect. And what do I do? For some odd inexplicable reason, I decide to walk over to the woman that knows me from work, never to return to the previous girls in spite of the fact that they kept looking over at me.

I talk to her, and she tells me about how she kept telling her friends how nice I was…

Me: “You’re attracted to me, sweetheart. I’m not stupid.”

Her: “So why didn’t you ask me for my number? You could have gave me a card or something.”
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